How to Plan a Wedding That Actually Feels Like You
If wedding planning already feels like a performance you did not audition for, you are not alone.
Between Pinterest boards, TikTok timelines, family expectations, and industry “rules,” it is easy to feel like you are planning an entire theatre production instead of a single, monumental day. A day that is supposed to reflect you, your relationship, and the life you are building together.
Here is the truth most couples need to hear early on:
There is no correct way to have a wedding.
There are popular formats, for sure. There are familiar traditions. There are things people expect. But none of that matters if the day does not feel right when you are actually living it.
Your wedding doesn’t have to rival a Vogue special edition. Your wedding needs to be aligned.
This is for couples who are rejecting tradition but unsure what replaces it, and who want a wedding that feels intentional, honest, and deeply personal.
Taken while second shooting for Leandra Creative Co. Photography
Start With How You Want the Day to Feel
Before venues, colors, or aesthetics, start with one question:
How do you want your wedding day to feel in your body?
Not how it looks on Instagram. Not how it photographs for other people. How it feels while you are in it. Take a deep breath, exit out of Pinterest, TikTok, Instagram, and all the vendor sites you have open in a million tabs. Except this one. Keep this one open.
Some common contrasts to consider:
Calm or energetic
Intimate or expansive
Structured or loose
Emotional or celebratory
Slow or fast-paced
There is no wrong answer!
A quiet morning, a short ceremony, and dinner with your closest people can be just as incredible as a packed dance floor and a twelve-hour timeline. You are allowed to choose feeling over aesthetics, even if the internet tells you otherwise.
The photos will inevitably feel more natural because you are not forcing yourselves into a box that never fit.
Taken while second shooting for Leandra Creative Co. Photography
Traditions You Can Keep, Change, or Skip Entirely
Traditions are options, not hard and fast rules.
You are allowed to keep the parts that resonate, modify the parts that almost work, and skip anything that feels performative or uncomfortable. Take what serves and leave what doesn’t, am I right?
Some common areas where couples give themselves permission:
The ceremony
You do not need a long aisle, a religious structure, or a script that does not reflect your beliefs. You can write your own vows, keep it short, or make it communal. Handfasting felt so necessary for me, but I rarely see it at other weddings. It’s YOUR wedding, not anyone else’s.
Entrances and first dances
Formal entrances and choreographed dances are completely optional. Some couples walk in together. Some skip the spotlight moments entirely. Some don’t even have a first dance! You do you.
Speeches and timelines
You are not required to hand the microphone to anyone who makes you nervous. You especially do not need to cram every moment into one day.
Mixing and matching is not disrespectful. It’s just being true to yourselves.
Taken while second shooting for Leandra Creative Co. Photography
The Vendors You Choose Shape the Experience
Your vendors do more than provide a service, and we are PROUD of that. We absolutely influence the way a day feels.
This matters more than most people realize!
When choosing a wedding photographer, planner, or any creative partner, personality matters just as much as portfolio.
Things to pay attention to:
Green flags
They ask about how you want to feel
They communicate clearly and quickly
They respect boundaries and accessibility needs
They do not pressure you into trends or timelines
Red flags
They dismiss your ideas or concerns
They talk more than they listen
They overpromise perfection instead of trust
They treat your wedding like content instead of a lived experience
Trust is a luxury. Feeling safe, understood, and supported is part of the value you are paying for.
Your vendors will be with you during some of the most intimate moments of the day. Choose someone who feels safe and grounding, not draining and anxiety-inducing.
Taken while second shooting for Leandra Creative Co. Photography
What Couples Regret Not Letting Go Of
After photographing weddings for years, there are a few regrets that come up again and again when I speak to couples.
Overpacked schedules
Trying to do everything often means you enjoy nothing. Space matters. Add 5-10 minute buffers to everything. And I mean everything. Plan for 20 minutes of quiet time together after the ceremony. I always offer to lie and say we’re taking photos, when in reality, I’ve locked you guys in a room with a beverage and a snack and am guarding the door.
Over inviting
More people does not always mean more connection. I like to suggest the thought, “Would I invite these people over for dinner on a week night?” You’d be surprised at your answers. There’s nuance to this, but you don’t HAVE to invite anyone.
Overexplaining choices to others
You do not owe anyone a justification for what feels right for your relationship. You are marrying your partner, and those are the only two opinions that matter.
Taken while second shooting for Leandra Creative Co. Photography
Choose Alignment Over Approval
Your wedding does not need to prove anything!!
It does not need to look a certain way to be valid. It does not need to follow a script to be meaningful. It does not need approval to be worth celebrating. Wow, I can’t say this enough.
Of course I have to plug myself here. If you are looking for a wedding photographer who values experience as much as artistry, and who believes your wedding should feel like you, you are in the right place.
You can explore real weddings, read more planning resources, or reach out when it feels right. No pressure. Seriously!
Don’t worry about pleasing everyone. Sit down for a lovely date night with your partner, forget about the latest wedding feature you saw, and think about what feels best for the two of you. You’re doing great!
